Monday, January 28, 2008
State of the Union Drinking Game
Tonight, the world will cheer President Bush's State of the Union address... because it will be his last. Personally, I intend to be already fairly hammered by the time the faux-presidente takes the podium, shortly after 9:00 pm Eastern time tonight.
Having painfully watched and listened to all seven of his previous SOTU addresses (sad, but true), I plan on celebrating this final assault on my sensibilities with unprecedented gusto.
George Bush... this ass-hole has brought the American people nothing but pure grief for seven long years and if he ends up hanging by the gallows in the Hague for his crimes, it won't be justification enough.
In my own way, I plan on reveling in this jerk's departure, beginning tonight, so I've devised a devilish drinking game designed to maximize my pleasure (always a good idea).
Here are the rules:
You take a drink of the beverage of your choice if Bush says any of the following (or any close variations):
That should just about cover it. Make sure to get good and primed. If you can't keep up with all the drinking words, just drink throughout what figures to be about a 40-minute speech. Enjoy the beginning of the end of one of the worst eras in US history.
Having painfully watched and listened to all seven of his previous SOTU addresses (sad, but true), I plan on celebrating this final assault on my sensibilities with unprecedented gusto.
George Bush... this ass-hole has brought the American people nothing but pure grief for seven long years and if he ends up hanging by the gallows in the Hague for his crimes, it won't be justification enough.
In my own way, I plan on reveling in this jerk's departure, beginning tonight, so I've devised a devilish drinking game designed to maximize my pleasure (always a good idea).
Here are the rules:
You take a drink of the beverage of your choice if Bush says any of the following (or any close variations):
- "hard work" - his trademark line of BS
- "Al Queda" or "terrorist" or "War on Terror"
- "stimulus"
- If he calls anyone "brave", drink
- any mention of "Iran", drink
- if he mentions "Crawford" or his "ranch", drink
- If he says "the surge is working" or "we're winning" related to Iraq, Afghanistan or the overall War on Terror, drink
- if he says anything about giving the economy a "shot in the arm" two drinks, plus a bong hit
- any time he "urges Congress" drink, bong hit and masturbate enthusiastically
- if he says the word "legacy" at all, immediately become addicted to heroin
- Any reference to Dick Cheney, DRINK hard!
- if he says the economy is "strong", "resilient" or "growing", drink, bong hit, shot of heroin, fornicate with anything in the room even if it's not human (cats count), snort cocaine, then go out for a drive.
- If he says he's sorry or has any regrets, drink as much as possible because you're either unconscious, dreaming or the nukes have already fallen, we're all dead and that is the rapture you're hearing
That should just about cover it. Make sure to get good and primed. If you can't keep up with all the drinking words, just drink throughout what figures to be about a 40-minute speech. Enjoy the beginning of the end of one of the worst eras in US history.
